A Day in the Life of a Family Man WWAMI Student

--Gary Soucie, E-96 The following is a typical day spent by a married with children WWAMI medical student. These events actually took place. There are no exaggerations or embellishments whatsoever. If you sense a sort of cynical attitude, you are mistaken. The characters portrayed are real, but some names have been withheld to hide the guilty. 5:00 am - Woke up with two small feet planted firmly in my back. Got up to take my 4-year-old back to her own bed. 5:45 am - Got out of bed to see why my son was crying. Little squirt lost his plug again. Stopped at the bathroom to, well, you know. 6:00 am - The first alarm goes off, or at least I think I remember getting up to turn it off.

6:15 am - The second alarm goes off and this time I do remember getting up to remove the sound of screaming sirens from my head. I climbed back in because I need to catch a bit more shut-eye. Besides, I don't have to pick up my classmates in the WWAMI van until 7:40 am.

6:35 am - Still plenty of time to make it.

6:52 am - No problem, I can make it.

7:10 am - Just a few more minutes.

7:15 am OH, NO! Now I will be late. Maybe I won't shower (Not a good idea).

7:30 am - Showered, grabbed some yogurt for breakfast, and some fruit for lunch, checked the kids, and I'm out the door.

7:38 am - Arrive at the van out of breath from running the seven blocks with 15 pounds of books on my back. Wouldn't you know, a full day of classes including Immunology, Anatomy, and Histology.

7:40 am - Arrive at the bookstore and say hello to the bright cheery faces of my fellow classmates. Good morning, I cheerfully say, It is indeed a wonderful day to be a medical student. The responses are warm and sincere such as, go to..., well, for those tender of heart, lets just say it was warm and sincere.

8:02 am - Arrive at WSU with plenty of time to spare. Eight minutes to check e-mail, mailboxes, and finally get a chance to comb my hair.

8:10 am - Dr. Phil Mixter begins weaving yet another bewildering tale of intrigue using the wonderful language of immuno-speak.

8:35 am - Awake to find myself listening to The Reverend Mixter speaking in tongues again. So in review, CD4 binds MHC II and/or CD8 binds MHC I. CD28 binds B7, and CD2 binds LFA-3 and LFA-1 binds ICAM-1. Any questions? Huh?

9:00 am - Break time. Most everybody heads out for a breath of fresh air and some hacky-sac.

9:10 am - Ding, ding, round two. Immunology 1, me 0. I manage to stay awake the second hour and actually grasp a small wisp of what is being said.

10:00 am -Another break. Time to stretch the legs and gear up for Biochemistry.

10:05 am -For the next two hours, we are enlightened on the wonders of nitrogen metabolism. Most of us are sure this stuff is important somehow. Maybe someday it will make sense.

12:00 pm - Lunch time. I just remembered I already ate my lunch. I guess it is stir-fry at the Cub.

1:00 pm - We all return from lunch fed, relaxed, and ready for the next four freaking hours of class. First the awesome, ever consuming, never-ending, world of Anatomy followed by its microscopic sister, Histology.

1:10 pm - Today we will be discussing the development of the gastrointestinal tract, says Dr. Mallatt. Wait; is that a vacuum hose in his hands? This ought to be good!

2:00 pm - Dr. Mallat receives a standing ovation for his riveting and heart-felt rendition of the development of the gastrointestinal tract. Bravo, I shout with tears running down my cheeks, Bravo!

3:05 pm - The next hour is spent reviewing Anatomy slides and Nettergrams of the abdominal cavity and contents. Sure, I'm going to remember all of what I just heard. Yeah, right!

4:00 pm - Histology begins. The best part of these lectures is the Far Side cartoons at the beginning.

4:10 pm - Break time. Thank goodness, I thought I was going to soil my trousers. That stir-fry is working overtime.

5:00 pm - FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST! Home is just a short drive away.

5:45 pm - I open the door to my humble abode to greet my family who has longed for my presence this whole day. The first person I see is my lovely daughter. Hi, kiddo how was your day? What are you doing here? my daughter asks. How come you're not at school? I live here, remember? Maybe I should spend a little more time at home.

6:45 pm - After dinner I read some books with my kids, and then begin the bedtime ritual.

7:45 pm - The kids are in bed; my wife and I finally get a chance to talk.

8:15 pm - Off to school to study.

11:45 pm - I bolt upright and look around. There is a puddle of drool on my books, and my forehead is asleep. I wonder how long I have been out. It must be time to go home.

12:08 am - My head finally hits the pillow. I lie there and reflect upon the day's events and wonder why I am doing all of this. My thoughts return to the previous Tuesday morning in my preceptor's office. I wonder if the pregnant lady has delivered yet. I was allowed to find the baby's heart beat and measure the length of the fundus. Come to think of it, I have been in on most of her prenatal checkups. It would be fun to see the delivery. Preceptorship is such a blast! Ah, yes; now I remember why I am putting myself and my family through this. Better get some sleep. I have to be up in a little over six hours.

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Married With Children

-- Tim (E-96), Brenda, Ben, and Lauren To paraphrase a saying, if education is drinking at the fountain of knowledge, then medical school is drinking at the fire hydrant of knowledge. If you are a married student-to-be with children, read on while I dish out the coping advice. You probably already have at least a rudimentary grasp of how to manage time, juggle responsibilities, and operate in a chaotic atmosphere. Now you just need to refine your skills a little so you can squeeze in around 70 hours a week for school without punishing your spouse and kids. The biggest temptation you will have is to try to put life on hold just until you get through this year (or all four years, or residency, or whatever). Its not healthy to circle some future day on the calendar and pin your hopes to it as the day you'll finally be a happy family with gobs of money and time on your hands because (a) you need happiness now like you need oxygen and (b) it will never happen. You're already a busy person: a successful medical school candidate, soon to be a medical school student with a family, and you always will be busy. The point was powerfully driven home to me by the suicide of a classmate, that you must enjoy yourself and each other now, since tomorrow may not be what you expect, or may not come at all. Below, I'm including a list of specific tips. If they don't make sense now, read them again a little while after school has started.

Tip #1 Be at the crossroads. You don't have quantity time, so quality is paramount. I made sure that I had breakfast with my wife and kids most mornings, lunch with them every time class was on my campus (sometimes a fun picnic lunch on the administration lawn), and dinner every night together as a family. I made sure I was home every night for the kids' bedtime rituals. All of that together takes less than two hours a day (and you have to eat anyway), and creates the illusion, once your kids wander off to play and watch cartoons, that you're always around.

Tip #2 Avail yourself of the abundant resources to have fun now. Right now as I'm writing this, my wife and kids are having a ball at one of the two indoor Olympic swimming pools at UI. We never had such a good pool so close when I was working a job. I can take a ten minute study break from the UI WWAMI carrels, wander over there and throw my shrieking kids in the water a couple of times, thus deepening the illusion that I'm always around. There are also cheap music and drama productions on campus, as well as cheap eats and movies in town, and lots of free activities for kids on campus or at the public library. My kids love playing computer games at the UI WWAMI carrels (Daddy's office). Many of your single or childless classmates with a future in pediatrics or family medicine will baby-sit for free with surprising willingness when you and your spouse go out for a much-needed night out alone together.

Tip #3 Procrastination is a tool of the devil. Jump through the hoop the minute they hold it out for you, no matter how inconvenient. This applies to everything, but especially to ICM assignments and anatomy learning objectives. You won't be sorry later.

Tip #4 Pare down that ridiculous schedule. Your first day, they'll give you a rainbow-colored schedule that blocks out every classroom hour you'll be spending all semester. Some of the classes you may have a background in, and you can test out of them with a little extra review effort up front (right now is a great time to start). Likely candidates include histology, biochemistry, immunology, and NHID. Materials are available at each WWAMI curriculum support center or through the bookstores. Also, there is no award for perfect attendance. In fact, attendance is only required for most labs and strongly encouraged for visiting speakers. Everything else is fair game for hooky. Careful scrutiny of the schedule should yield at least a few days better spent with family or catching up on homework.

Tip #5 That's your spouse, not your psychiatrist. You'll spend a fair amount of time stressed and tired, as will your spouse. Avoid dumping on each other and resolve not to fight until you have the adequate rest and nutrition to do it right. There have been short periods of time this year when I had to ask my spouse for a moratorium on any demands, period. I made sure that they were followed (usually after test weeks) by equal periods of me cooking all the meals, doing the laundry, cleaning, etc., and playing with the kids at home while my spouse went out with friends to the movies.

Final Tip Having MD behind your name does not prevent you from being a loser. A very wise man once said that there is no success that can compensate for failure within your home (just ask O.J.). Your family's happiness is The Prime Directive, not P=MD. The author of this section in last year's guide said if you're getting higher than 80%, you're studying too much. Do your best and you'll do great. Good luck, and we'll see you next year in Seattle.

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Life as a WWAMI Spouse --Kristie St. Pierre wife of Stephen St. Pierre, E-02

Living life as a WWAMI spouse can be viewed in two ways. The first is that you are here, surrounded by nothing but wheat. You've been placed, or actually displaced in an unknown place with new, unfamiliar people all around you. You are suddenly expected to provide emotional, monetary, physical and social support to your spouse, holding it all together and feeling fine, meanwhile deep inside you just wish for something familiar and for someone else (likely your spouse and significant other) to be your backbone. All of this while your spouse joyfully and excitedly embarks to fulfill their dream and begin their exciting new career. You must immediately adjust without your known support system while trying to keep the pressure off of your spouse. If only viewed this way, the WWAMI experience seems daunting, trying and something to drudgingly wait out until it finally ends. After all, it has to be better next year in Seattle, right? Not necessarily. When I arrived in Moscow, 3000 miles from the life, family and friends I had known for the past 27 years, all of these types of thoughts went through my head. But, so did the advice of a medical wife (did you know we have an official title?) 25 years older and wiser who told me, They always say it will get better next year don't believe them. So that, and some adjustment time led to the second, much more positive outlook on living life as a WWAMI spouse. Here in the presence of a small, intimate class are an instant group of friends for you and your spouse to become involved with and you and you are in the best position. You get to go out, invite them in, participate in sports and do all of the fun activities with none of the hard work! (Keep in mind, the more you get to know your spouse's classmates and friends, the more you will be accepted as part of the class.)

Aside from instantly making friends, this is the beginning of a period of self-enrichment for you. Sure your spouse will have to study and that means time away from you, but it's time to begin fulfilling your own life goals. There are lots of community classes you can take through UI and the local arts and crafts stores. So far, I have taken Thai cooking and Spanish. There are lots of other spouses to meet (we began a group that meets twice a month to exchange and teach each other everything from basic yoga to how to cook a meal from the aphrodisiac cookbook). This is also the time to finish or begin other activities you have always wanted to find time to do. I'm teaching myself to play the guitar.

In addition to making vast amounts of new friends and pursuing life goals, the WWAMI program is geared toward families. The professors host dinners and meetings where you will get to meet the people your spouse is always talking about. Time with family and time for self are stressed to be as important as time for studies to the medical students.

So far, there was an initial adjustment, but this experience has been great for my husband and I. We have to rely on each other, since we are removed from everything else familiar. This has brought us closer than ever before. We have planned dates and an uninterrupted time set aside to spend together each week, and we always eat dinner together. We have decided that if we have something planned with others and my husband is held up with studies or school obligations I will go on without him and he will meet me there later. These are all suggestions that I strongly recommend.

Wherever you go as a medical spouse, remember to live for the present, don't wait for it to get better. Use this time to support your spouse, grow personally and enrich your marriage. Make the first year of medical school a strong foundation for the years to come.

(P.S. Kristie, my wife has done all of these things while working full time plus as a Speech Pathologist. Some people say that medical school is tough, they're right, but being a medical spouse is the hardest job in the medical community. Without her, I wouldn't be here!)

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Domestic Bliss --Jay (E-96) and Jo Lonner

This is the third time that I've sat down to write a blurb on marriage and WWAMI life, and I've finally come to the realization that I really don't have much to offer in the way of specific advice or observations pertaining to how to make marriage and medical school work. All I can do is state the obvious: if you have a sound marriage, with good lines of communication and an understanding spouse, then things are going to work out fine. At the same time, my wife and I have found that a state of domestic tranquility has a lot to do with practical matters. When we decided to take part in the WWAMI program, it was in many ways an impulsive move we had never visited the Palouse and really didn't know what to expect in terms of the community, housing, and job prospects for my wife. Looking back on it, we would definitely do it again, but here's some information we wish we'd had before moving out here:

The community. The consensus is that Moscow is a nicer place to live than Pullman, and we certainly agree. It has more of a residential feel to it, and isn't dominated by university culture the way that Pullman seems to be. Classes are held on both campuses, so there really isn't an academic or commuting advantage to living in one town or the other.

It's also worth pointing out that by Seattle standards, the Palouse is pretty conservative, and as self-proclaimed liberals we've had to make some adjustments. This is a matter of some practical importance for example, my wife has had to deal with it in the workplace, and as vegetarians we've found menu choices at local restaurants to be somewhat limited. All we're saying is be prepared.

Housing. My advice is to start looking early (April or early May, before school gets out), particularly if you have pets. We didn't arrange housing until June, and had a very hard time finding a place that would take our dog and cat. I have classmates who have either had to leave pets behind or live in smaller communities 30 minutes away from Moscow/Pullman in order to find an accommodating landlord.

Job prospects for spouses. To my knowledge, all the WWAMI spouses who want to work are working perhaps not in ideal situations, but at least in some capacity. For example, my wife ended up taking a cut in pay and in hours, but she still managed to find work in her field. I think the key here is to get an early start, be persistent, and have realistic expectations. After all, it's only for 10 months...

One last word of encouragement -- medical school probably isn't as hard as you think it is. Sure there's a lot of material, but if you attend class regularly, ask questions when you have them, and pick up a book once in a while, you should be able to put off the hard-core studying until the week before exams. But once crunch time hits you should probably be prepared to not see much of your spouse.

The upshot is that domestic bliss is definitely within reach on the Palouse. Indeed, to the extent that life here is a little less hectic than life in Seattle, taking part in the WWAMI program is almost certainly a family-friendly move. Certainly we've had no regrets.

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Marriage and WWAMI Life --Ginger (E-96) and Chad Allen

I had many apprehensions about trying to juggle medical school and marriage at the beginning of the school year. However, as the year has progressed, I have found that being married while in medical school is actually a blessing. At the end of the day, you always have somebody to go home to and share the wonders and tribulations of medical school. In addition, sometimes you just want to get away from all things relating to medicine. A spouse often provides that much needed break. One of my fears is that I would continually be forced to choose between medicine and my husband. However, here in WWAMI land, that was not the case. From the very first orientation dinner, the spouses are included in all extra-curricular events. My classmates were terrific as well. Whenever I was invited some place it was always phrased as, Do you and your husband want to...

However, being married isn't always easy. Being married and pursuing a medical degree takes a great deal of compromise on the parts of both spouses. The student has to take time away when you know you should be studying, and the spouse has to endure those test weeks when you really do have to study. Here are some tips that actually helped my marriage grow while in medical school.

1)      Try to be balanced. While you could study 20 hours a day and still not absorb it all, don't try to absorb it all. Do your best at school while still working to maintain your relationships with both your spouse and your friends.

2)      Schedule time with your spouse. Pretend you are dating again and schedule a date. This ensures that you will have time together and that you will be doing something fun rather than just sitting at home on the couch (although that is nice sometimes too!).

3)      Listen to your spouse. Don't forget he/she has a life too, and it doesn't include medicine. It's easy to be thinking about the million things you have to do while your spouse is telling you about his day. Communication is the key, and half of communication is listening. Do your part. Don't take the stress out on your spouse. It's easy to lash out at your spouse when you are feeling under the gun. Step back and realize that your spouse is probably willing to talk about how you are feeling, but they don't want to be the target of those feelings.

4)      Finally, appreciate your spouse. They will probably have to do more then their share of the housework, shopping, and cooking. Appreciate all of the things they do to make your life a little easier, and don't forget to say thanks once in a while.

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Consider the Significant Other --Earl Stoddard E-97

My name is Earl Stoddard. I am an E-97 Idaho WWAMI, and I'm also married without children. However, that will change in August of 1998. I decided to write this little letter to give a perspective of one with a significant other that was not also in medical school. Everyone's experience will definitely be unique, but hopefully what I've learned will be of some benefit to those of you in similar situations. Let me begin by telling you a little bit about my wife. She, like many others that have relationships with medical students, sacrificed a lot to be here with me. She is also a student. Anyone who has ever had to transfer from one college to another knows what a pain that can be. Well, by the time I'm done with medical school, not residency, she may have had to do that three times. She has already done it once. My wife played collegiate volleyball and had two years of eligibility and a scholarship that she left behind to come to Moscow. She comes from a very close family and coming here, she moved 11 hours away from the nearest family member. Along with leaving family, she also left behind all of her friends. You might be thinking that you, the medical student, made some of the same sacrifices to be here. That is probably very true. But, for which person's education are you here? You are here for yours. For your partner the sacrifice wasn't made for selfish but for unselfish reasons. Remember that when he or she complains about you never being home or when he or she interrupts your studies for personal time.

Probably the most difficult time for my wife was the adjustment to a new place, not necessarily to Pullman. Granted, most of you will be making the same adjustment. What I mean is that you are thrown into a classroom with 35 other people that are experiencing almost exactly what you are. You don't know anyone. You aren't familiar with the area, and the classes scare you to death. What happens is that all the WWAMI students immediately become a little support group, or a family. This made my adjustment much smoother and easier than it would have been had I been making it alone.

My wife on the other hand was making a similar transition, similar in the sense that she was unfamiliar with the area, with the school, and with the classes. However, she didn't see the same people in every single one of her classes. Everyone around her appeared to be already adjusted and to already have a set group of friends. No one needed her support. Yet, she needed their support.

Before we moved here, she would share her worries and concerns with me. She would also share them with her family and her friends. If I was busy with school or work when she needed to talk, there was someone else to turn to, and now all that had changed. When I would come home from school, she wanted all of my attention, but I needed to study. I would try to give her as much attention as I did back home when I was really busy, but that wasn't enough. She didn't have her family and friends to turn to when I wasn't available. The saddest part is that it took me a while to realize this. I continued to treat our relationship as if nothing had changed. Then I noticed that she began to change. Instead of always feeling happy, she was often sad and moody. In fact, she definitely was unhappy. At times, all she wanted to do was go home. I didn't understand why she felt and acted the way she did. I actually felt bitter at times because she demanded all my attention. Little did I realize, I was literally her only friend.

When I finally did realize this, things began to change. The first thing I did was spend more time with her instead of making her nag me for it. The second and probably most important thing that we did was get involved in things outside of school. Church was a great place for both of us to meet new people and to find support. Then, the WWAMI group planned some group activities to involve the spouses, and my wife got to know more people. In short, she began to find some new friends. A few months later, she had met and made many new friends at school and had also found a job she loved. Now, ironically, the thought of leaving Pullman makes her sad, when originally the thought of staying in Pullman saddened her.

I guess what I am trying to say is be considerate of those who are here for you. You are here for yourself and you are probably here for them in some part, or at least you should be. But mostly, you are here for you your education came first before theirs. So make sure to be there for them when they need you. This is especially important at the beginning of the year. Put them ahead of your studies you'll make better use of your study time if your spouse and home life are happy. Set your priorities in the proper order at the beginning of your career before it's too late. Make sure to help them find their own support groups and do what you can to help them find new friends. But until they do, make sure you are their best friend because you'll be the only one they have.

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Agreeing with all of the excellent suggestions (and note for the singletons!) --Julie Gunther E-01

Just a quick note from another married female WWAMI on partner-gratitude, time-management and priorities. I have two goals that I try to focus on: becoming a doctor (a good, caring doctor) and cultivating a healthy, happy marriage. I try to remember that these are my desired end-results for the next 5 to 10 to 50 years. When I become stressed about academics, social plans, or things that I might miss out on because I'm married, attending to this big picture instead of daily minutiae has proven very helpful. Additionally, I agree completely with Earl (E-97).

It has been valuable for me to remember that my husband put a huge chunk of his early career on hold to support me (in every way) and that, for a time, I was not only his wife-companion, but also his guy-buddy, sounding-board, and support system. I also tried to remember that every bit of his daily routine in Moscow existed because he loved me and believed in my capacity to become a successful physician. This was simultaneously humbling and empowering.

Finally, for people who are not yet settled down with a life-companion: you will find someone. Maybe not today nor tomorrow or before you get your MD, but you will. I never thought I would and although I didn't lose too much sleep over it, I still laugh at the small amount of worry I wasted wondering if I'd turn into a wrinkled old matron. An esteemed and wise Idaho physician whom I have admired as the kind of doctor I hope to be said to me, tell all those people worrying about getting married to come and talk to me. It's much better to wait for the right one than panic and end up with something else. I too, believe that the right one will drop into your lap (perhaps even literally!) when you least expect it. So, enjoy the Palouse and good luck! You're in good hands and good company...

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The Single Life in WWAMI Land --Emily Showman E-03

So you're single...anxious about starting a new chapter in your singlehood at UWSOM in Seattle when you hear those dreaded words Congratulations, you've been WWAMI'ed!! Now I know the thought of hundreds of cowboy frat boys ready to make a move is tantalizing but probably not the route you were hoping to take! But have no fear you get to go back to Seattle next year! I'm not going to lie; the opportunities for dating remain fairly limited.

That's not to say it's impossible old WWAMI folklore does say fellow classmates have dated and a few even married, nevertheless, I'm still waiting for my prince charming! While your nine months in WWAMI land may not hold your future spouse or even someone fun to date for a while, it does enable you to meet some incredible individuals and more importantly develop lifelong friendships. I truly believe that being sent over here was a blessing in disguise as I was challenged to intimately discover unique individuals with diverse life experiences. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time in WWMAI land and believe that I will be a better person and doctor because of the friends I have met and besides you never know who of them might have a single friend back in Seattle!

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What? I'm WWAMIED? Can Love Go On? --Marc Bruce E-98

Being forced to move to Pullman was not an easy thing to adjust to. I had already lived in Seattle for five years, had lots of friends and a serious relationship with my girlfriend of three years. However, I had no choice but to go east. I had heard marvelous things about the academic side of the WSU/UI program, but what about this other important aspect of my life? Could Karri and I continue to grow closer to one another despite the distance? How often would we see each other? Would I ever have a free weekend or would our visits be nothing more than group study sessions? How would we see each other in the winter when the driving conditions were more than our cars could handle?

Well, I must admit that things haven't been easy. On the other hand, we have been very blessed in some respects. Round trip airfare from Pullman to Seattle has been incredibly cheap this year. The cheapest ticket I got was $85 and the most I spent was $110! Rates in past years have been listed as at least twice that amount. Needless to say, we took advantage of this. I have flown to Seattle for several weekends and she flew over here a couple of times as well. It is best to check rates on Horizon Air's web site at www.horizonair.com. I often bought my tickets far in advance to ensure that I got the cheapest flights. As lots of local students fly on 3-day weekends and such, it's important to book early if possible. Another option is to check prices on Southwest Airlines out of Spokane, a mere hour or so drive away. Their web site is www.southwest.com. Of course, we couldn't fly all the time so we did drive some weekends as well. It's a long haul but well worth it. Encourage your partner to visit you here. There's not a whole lot to do in Pullman, but we actually enjoyed that aspect as it gave us lots of good quality down time together. Besides, it is good for the other person to see where you live and go to school and to get a feel for what your life is like.

I think the most important thing you can do to make sure you continue to see each other is to plan ahead. Each semester I went through my schedule and picked weekends that would be free for me. 3-day weekends are prime times to visit each other as the extra day makes the time seem much longer. Regular weekends can be just as rewarding, though. I soon learned that studying was not even a consideration, so leave your books at home. Learn to feel comfortable just hanging out with each other and catching up on each other's lives. You'll have plenty of time to study when the weekend is over. You might have to work a little harder and be more organized and self-motivated, but that's what med school is all about anyway. This semester Karri and I have been able to see each other at least every 2 weeks. This has been wonderful and I never would have guessed it was possible, but it definitely is provided that you are willing to make your relationship a top priority.

Although there is no substitute for personal visits, obviously you have to keep in touch during those long weeks in between as well. We talk on the phone pretty much every other night and this works well for us. It can get expensive, but it's well worth the money. We also e-mail each other most every day. This is a pretty impersonal means of communicating, but the price is tough to beat! Whatever the case, it is important to keep your partner informed about your life and vice versa. It has been incredibly nice to have a close connection to someone outside of medicine. Embrace this and respect it for the lifeline to normal existence that it is. You will soon find that you don't have as much time to miss your partner as you might think. Your days are filled with classes and studying, especially during test weeks, and the time really flies by. Use that time on the phone as a nice break from your hectic life.

Overall, this year apart has been very good for our relationship. Not having the luxury of seeing someone who is such a big part of your life and who means so much to you really makes you think and appreciate what they bring to your life. If having a family is important to you, this also gives you good practice in prioritizing your life to include other people outside of medicine. Despite our separation, Karri and I have been able to continue growing this year and now that we're almost through, I feel that our relationship is much stronger and healthier too. To top it all off, we have decided to get married in July so that is surely a testament to the feasibility of continuing to love from afar. Trying to plan a wedding while apart is another matter

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Dating and Long-Distance Relationships in WWAMI-Land --Jasper James Chen E-03

Dating, while mostly enjoyable, is not an easy affair, but dating in medical school has its own unique merits and difficulties. For many of us, we can hardly find the time. For others, it offers a pleasant escape from the daily realities of med school. For me, it was an ongoing trial of perseverance and determination. I was in a long-distance relationship and I was dead-set on making it work, despite the odds and the difficulty of maintaining a growing relationship. In order for a relationship to work, it had to grow, blossom, and mature over time. Long-distance dating makes this incredibly difficult, but you may find, as I did, that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. While I took every chance I got to visit my girlfriend, such as during long-weekends and longer breaks, it was considerably more difficult convincing her to come out to Pullman/Moscow to visit me. Although I had made the commitment to spend an entire year in a relatively rural environment (and perhaps more should I decide to practice rural medicine), my significant other had made no such commitment. So you could say it was truly love when my girlfriend decided to visit me in rural Eastern Washington all the way from Washington, D.C., where she was working. In addition, whenever I had the chance, I would visit her, although it was always somewhat difficult for me to explain to her friends and family that I was going to the University of Washington School of Medicine based in Seattle but that I was actually in Pullman/Moscow for the first year.

Nevertheless, dating and long-distance relationships can work as long as a mutual understanding is reached. There were times when I was so busy or stressed out over exams that I seemed to be another person to my girlfriend.

My girlfriend realized how stressful it was for me to be in med school, and so she was very understanding in accepting my limitations. Although we were usually able to talk on the phone for at least 15 minutes daily, it was very difficult to convey to her the rigors of med school. I found that I benefited from and had to talk with many of my classmates and a few closer ones in particular at length in order to fully unwind. My girlfriend is also quite a busy individual, working for an international organization based in D.C., so we both need to be very accommodating ensuring that the 15 minutes or so we had was quality time for both of us.

Whenever we were able to be in the same place, we made sure that nothing could get in our way. I chose weekends free of studying for rendezvousing with her, and we would make do with the time we had. In case you're wondering what are some good things for loving couples to do out here in WWAMI-land, I've proposed this following list (not all-inclusive, of course!) for your romantic needs:

Top Ten Dates:

10. Take a drive through the Golden Rolling Hills.

9. A tour of the Cougar Gold Cheese Factory and ice-cream afterwards at Ferdinand's.

8. Visit the bears at WSU in their cages.

7. A night out at the infamous Valhalla's or Shakers.

6. Dinner at Sella's Calzones, followed by a movie at Pullman Movies (www.pullmanmovies.com).

5. A leisurely evening at the Corner Club.

4. The Breakfast Club or The Garden in Moscow, depending on the time of day.

3. Dancing at CJ's.

2. An unforgettable night at Pete's Bar and Grill.

1. The Beach!

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--Brigitte Rigert E-96

Before I chose to come to the Palouse, I had to decide if my relationship could stand the test of a mountain range and the first year of medical school. I felt that it could, and it wasn't easy but it was worth it. Here are a few tips that will make this experience easier for those of you in a long distance relationship.

Once you get the schedule for first semester, plan your visits early. Visit every two weeks because you start to miss each other and it is always nice to have something to look forward to.

Plan on talking to each other every night, you'll need it. Even if it is just a hello. I felt that Sprint was the best for in-state long distance but that may change.

My next word of advice is to be realistic. I didn't understand how much I would miss my boyfriend until I lived here for a couple of months. At that time, I became weary of medical school and needed to have a non-medical school person to relate to. I met many wonderful people here but being together day in and day out makes having another outlet nice. The goodbye after a weekend visit was always difficult for me but I learned to enjoy the moment and look forward to the next visit. Trust me, it will take a lot of effort to keep things going over the phone and on bimonthly visits. It is easy to get wrapped up in school and new friends. But if you really want to stay together and you can see your future with this person, tough it out.

Most importantly, never take each other for granted. There were times when I felt that my boyfriend couldn't understand what I was going through. Take the time to explain to your partner what the first year of medical school entails. Also, remember to be there for your partner too. There were times when I only focused on my frustrations, forgetting that a relationship involves two people, both with equally important needs. When you are there for each other, you will be richly rewarded. One final note. I didn't get the hang of all of this until after the first semester. It was an emotionally challenging experience but I made it. I can't believe how quickly the year flew by and I am glad that I decided to tough it out and spend the time maintaining a satisfying relationship. I am now engaged and realize that if my relationship could weather the stress and distance of my first year that it can withstand anything (like second year)!

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Long Distance Relationships ---Laura Baehner E-02

Long distance relationships are always a challenge. Having one partner in medical school doesn't make it any easier, but it's not impossible if both people are committed to making it work. I think the main thing to remember is the same thing that gets all relationships through the tough spots: communication. Try to schedule visits as early as possible so you both have something to look forward to. There are flights out of Pullman, Lewiston, and Spokane. Don't forget to factor possible flight and winter driving delays into your travel schedule. Talk frequently on the phone.

It has been my experience that the best calling plans are about 4-5 cents a minute, but there may be better. I like using e-mail, digital photos, and a web cam too since they are free once you have the equipment and can help you keep in touch with surprise notes and pictures.

Don't forget about your partner's needs. Their life is different now too. They have to deal with a medical student for goodness sake! Always remember to ask about their day. Give them your undivided attention when you're talking to them. Share your feelings, but make sure they're not the only person you vent to. Don't take your frustrations out on them. Talk about the mundane things you would already know happened if you were together every day. It helps feel like you're still a part of each other's daily life. Deal with conflicts when they come up, rather than letting them stew.

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